For some time now I have had a thought running through my head. Well, many thoughts running through my head, but one of them has stayed with me consistently. This is a familiar thought and I know that I have had this one on and off for the past couple of years. It gets triggered off by all sorts of reasons and through these years, while my treatment of this thought has been the same , its been for different reasons.

The thought has been the idea of peace. What is it , what does it feels like when I am at peace, how do I get it and not get it and once I get it how do I keep it and other related questions. My treatment of it through the years has been of ignoring it. I have told myself that big philosophers have struggled with this to no avail. Or how does it matter anyway it will come to me if it has to (which is my typical response to most situations). All this usually ensures that it all goes away. But not this time. This time the thought has refused to go away and hence this blog post. Through this post I hope to get some answers that I can build upon as I go through life.

It  is hard for me to put in words , what is peace. I don’t know if I have ever felt it. I have gone looking for it but I don’t know if I have felt it. There have been times when I think my mind has felt at peace. But then when I look back at those times there is one common thread that runs through them. I felt at peace because of some external factor or the other. I was either with someone I loved, or in a quiet beautiful place, or reading a wonderful book etc. and it seems that it was those factors that triggered the feeling of peace.

I find this a bit dissapointing, that all the past experiences of peace that I can remember have come through external influences. That to me tells me that I will be able to hold onto that feeling only as long as the external influence is there. If that goes , so does my peace, or atleast what I consider as peace. This is my peace and it should be found within me. I should be able to find peace within myself and it is only that peace which will stay with me as long as I want it to.

Except, the problem is I don’t know how do I go about finding it. It is hard enough trying to quieten my mind. I think I am too involved in the business of living and I like it. And yet the mind searches for peace, searches for that elusive something, searches for that calmness as people around me go through their lives in breathtaking speeds.

I wish it would all just slow down. I wish it would all be quiet. I wish I find my peace soon.